> And , I don’t want to assume but so have found “I can’t” attitudes don’t work for effecting change in life.

I personally subscribe to framing “I can’t” as “I will not”. Then you can view such things as the conscious choices they are. You can also avoid feeling forced to do things just because they are expected of you.

E.g. “I can’t give up time with my kids” vs “I will not give up time with my kids”.