Jay Z had a section in decoded where he talked about how his needs as a young man getting into drug dealing quickly and seamlessly switched from food to new clothes to a Lexus - how what started as something he needed to do because they needed money for food became a pursuit of wealth and status almost without him noticing. I don't know your financial or family situation, so don't take this as a critique of you personally, but I think that happens to a lot of people - we don't recognize when the things we're treating as our material needs have moved well beyond where we'd consider trading off for things like meaningful work or a life aligned with our personal values.