i yearn for an alternate reality where every unix command/service had the same syntax and a lua interpreter.

You should take a look at arcan, it's almost exactly that: http://arcan-fe.com

- https://arcan-fe.com/2022/10/15/whipping-up-a-new-shell-lash...

- https://arcan-fe.com/2024/09/16/a-spreadsheet-and-a-debugger...

I am not using it as a daily driver, because, emacs, but I keep an eye on it because, well, emacs.

I'm sorry you get our reality where it is nested quotes, parentheses, dollar signs and backslashes all the way down.

https://github.com/oasislinux/oasis

It's not perfect, but it's clean and moves in this lua direction.