This is a throwaway so I can be dumb and learn stuff

Career/partial life bio

Decided to trim this about down, will post pastebin links overtime

July 2025

I've been sick lately and since I drink a few days a week it has been keeping me sick for a while. So I haven't been doing my side-gig works like donating plasma/delivering food. I feel guilty it's funny cost opportunity but also I get back about 17 hrs of my life a week from not doing the extra work, I still write freelance code so that also takes up time. But lately I've just been getting hammered at home and playing video games/watching movies. It's better than going out, saves me money and I have less chance of doing dumb shit. Hammered as in buy like a 6-pack of a double-digit alcohol content ale. The other thing that's funny, I went to the clothes store yesterday and was getting a couple shorts/shirts. I felt guilty during the whole time, spending money but I also as mentioned have no problem dropping $1.2K at once at a strip club so yeah just dumb mental stuff. I also still floor my car on the highway... rare though I have not hit 160mph in a while just around 120mph but yeah if I disappear one day that may be it (in jail). Or a sane scenario I'm not in tech again, as I don't go on HN much unless I'm killing time at an office job. What keeps me from trying to speed is my cat and future aspirations (get a better car not that fast but a fun track car).

Funny I have so many "friends" come and go. I think I only have 4 REAL friends, real as in have been talking to each other for a decade. But yeah like the car thing people tell me I'm a dumbass and rightfully so. Part of friendship is the frequency of communication, people will just fade away if you don't actively try and engage them in conversation. There's the birds of a feather flock together idea too, I'm not the only one gunning it... I mess around with other fast cars on the highway sometimes. To them it's not wrong so idk. I make an effort to only screw around when I'm alone on the road. Track is boring man, like I don't watch F1/Nascar. I do like carving backroads though that could be fun. I guess it's the thrill of knowing you are wrong. I already got pulled over for speeding but yeah. Paid the ticket too dumbass, should have gone to court oh well.

It's funny how poor I am. I'll have like $8K cash per month after taxes and I will be broke. Still missing debt payments. But I'm working on it, I hate being poor and in debt. Have this miserable headache right now, still going through a cold.

I've been doing good with ego. Specifically at work, somebody changes code you wrote/erases it like, that's cool. Just let it go. Long as I'm getting paid. Had lunch with my coworkers today, saw a hot girl. Same old guy me. Got pretty sick recently stomach and cold, still recovering. Sucks when you don't make it to work don't get paid but that's because I don't have PTO/use em to cover my walks at work. Trying to get motivation to work on my projects again and be good (go out less). The going out thing has 2 problems: cost and me being this lonely guy/giving off bad vibes/expecting (to meet a girl) so yeah as a solo bar-hopper it usually ends in sadness. The thing is I make a lot of one-night guy friends, I'll be in their group dancing, they even drive my sporty stick-shift car but then after this night we don't hang out anymore ha.

Jun 2025

It's crazy when you catch yourself being affected by propaganda or at least media swaying to some side. I am guilty of it damn. Need to increase my sources of news and cross-check them domestically and globally.

I think I'm starting to get my passion back of working on my hardware/robotic projects. Sucks I do work a lot but yeah.

---

Previous mental samples

https://pastebin.com/k2hqR8uN (Mar 2025 - Jun 2025)

https://pastebin.com/5xCTbGsu (2023 - Mar 2025)